Christian Counseling Center

Raise a Child that Loves Life

Scientists estimate that only 50 % of an upbeat attitude is genetic. “Happiness is really a wide range of positive emotions that are more learned behavior than inborn traits,” says Christine Carter, Ph.D., executive director of the Greater Good Science Center, in Berkeley, California. “Our children develop their habits of thinking, feeling, and behaving based on what we teach them about the world, their relationships, and our expectations.”
The goal is for our children to have a firm foundation of contentment so they can learn to roll with the punches, enjoy what they have, and make the best of any situation. There are five keys to helping your kids stay in the bliss zone.
Be Wowed
Most of us realize that the secret to happiness isn’t owning a lot of stuff. It’s really about instilling in our kids a strong sense of authentic gratitude and appreciation for what the world offers free of charge.  The best way to do it? Feel it yourself. “When parents express gratitude for everyday events, their kids grow up feeling more joyful, enthusiastic, determined, interested, and engaged in the world around them,” says Dr. Carter.
Hear Her Out
Knowing their parents understand them is a crucial building block of happiness for kids. “Your child can only develop happiness and self-confidence if she feels completely and totally accepted,” says Bonnie Harris, author of Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids. “Listen to your child without making any judgments about whether she’s right or wrong. Your goal should be to hear her side of the story.”
Do It Again and Again
A review of 50 years of research on family routines in the Journal of Family Psychology found that rituals like family meals and bath and bedtime routines help children feel secure, strengthen family ties, and lead to greater productivity. They may even help improve their health by maintaining good habits such as brushing teeth, exercising and washing hands. Another study, from the University of British Columbia, in Vancouver, found that these sorts of rituals provide a neurobiological benefit by stimulating both the left (logical) and right (emotional) sides of the brain.
Let Him Fail
We want our kids to feel good about themselves, so it’s natural to try to remove obstacles along the way. Here’s the rub: If we’re always trying to solve their problems they won’t develop the ability to fight their own battles, accept when they’re wrong, and learn to move on. Jenn Berman, Psy.D. says, “Handling stress or disappointments, admitting mistakes, and changing direction are some of the most crucial skills for living a happy life. The only way to master them is through practice.”
When your child complains that he can’t do something like finish a puzzle or put on his sneakers, don’t try to convince him that he can. As grueling as it may be, show patience and say, “That’s okay. There’s no hurry. Next time you want to try again, let me know.” Whether its a few minutes or a few days later, he’ll probably come back to the task at hand. If he gets aggravated and starts to yell, it’s a good time to say, “I understand it’s frustrating, but it’s not okay to scream.”
Stop the Clock
In our on-the-go culture, we often try to keep our kids busy 24/7.  It is crucial to learn early in life to enjoy your own company. “In countless studies, people who know how to lose themselves in a creative ‘zone’ report feeling peace and contentment throughout their lives,” says Dr. Alice D. Domar, Ph.D.
By Robin Westen, Parents November 2008