Perfectionist Thinking

Perfectionistic Thinking
by
Albert Ellis & Robert A. Harper
Perfectionistic thinking is the idea that people and things should be different from the way they are and that it is catastrophic if perfect solutions to the grim realities of life are not immediately found.
This is idiotic because:

• There is no reason why people should be different from the way they are. It is bigheaded to say to yourself: “Because I don’t like people the way they are, they shouldn’t be that way.”
• If people and events are not the way you want them to be, they can have little bad effect on you unless you think they can. If your wife acts badly, her behavior may well be annoying but it is rarely as bothersome as you may make it. And if things and events don’t go right, that is unfortunate and affects you badly, but rarely as badly as you make it by telling yourself: “I can’t stand it.”
• The more you become upset over events the people’s actions, the less you’ll be able to change people or things for the better.
• Although we have the power to change and control ourselves to a considerable degree, we do not have a similar power to control the behavior of others. This is like tearing your hair out over a prize fighter, golfer, etc., if they are not doing well as we want them to do.
• Upsetting yourself about other people and events will sidetrack you from what should be your main concern-the way you behave, the things you do. Time and energy are used up if you unduly upset yourself over outside happenings. 
• It is highly improbable that there is a perfect solution to any of life’s problems. Rarely are there any black and white solutions. There are advantages to almost any problem. You’ll miss some highly satisfying compromises if you keep seeking the absolutely best solution.
• The disasters that you imagine will occur if you can’t make absolutely right solutions rarely occur. If you think it is horrible to make a mistake, you will upset yourself further.
• Perfectionism is by definition a self-defeating philosophy: Humans are not angels; events are never certain; decisions cannot be correct all the time. Even if you are perfect in some goal, your chances of staying there are nil. Nothing is perfect static. Life is change. Reality is imperfect and humans are fallible.